3 weeks and 2 days ago!

Kenna Christine Cox arrived in our arms Sunday, September 26, 2010 at 2:18pm.  And it was quite an entrance!  

For those who may not know, we had planned to have Kenna delivered at home with our midwife, who had taken care of all our prenatal appointments.  We had made this decision for several reasons including safety, being able to make our own decisions for our baby, and for financial reasons due to our insurance coverage.  So here is the story!

Thursday, September 23:  

I began to feel the heavy cramping I had been told to expect before contractions on Thursday night between 8-9pm.  Caleb was gone to any activity for work, so I was home with Dad and Cindy, who had arrived to help on Sept. 17th.  I didn't alert them to anything and waited for Caleb to get home.  We watched TV for a while, but I soon headed to bed to try to get as much rest as possible.  I woke up about 2am to definite contractions that I began to time.  Around 4:30, I woke up Caleb and told him I wanted to get in the shower because my back was hurting so bad.  Caleb jumped up and began to get some things ready for me to be comfortable.  I then sat in the rocking chair in Kenna's nursery and just worked through each contraction.  The contractions began to subside around 7am.  They never progressed to closer than about 8 mins apart, never up to 1 minute long.  We decided they must have been false labor and we continued about our day.  

Friday, September 24: 

I don't remember having any contractions during the day at all.  So, I sent Caleb off to his softball game and hung out at the house with Dad and Cindy again for the evening.  I didn't say much when I began feeling contractions. (Can you tell I didn't want them to go into a frenzy!?)  Caleb got home around 10pm and I told him things had started up again.  We prepared to be up possibly all night and settled in on the couch to watch movies and see how things would progress.  As we learned in our birth classes, it was likely my first set of contractions would be false labor and/or a long time of irregular contractions before it was "the real thing."  Even if this was thing real thing this time, the first stage of labor could last 12-24 hours.  The closest I got to calling our midwife that night because of the timing of the contractions was about 6 mins apart, averaging 45 secs long.  Again, no reason to panic!  That night we did get some things ready like the bed and the birthing pool, which we were going to use during transition.  I spend all night on the rocking chair, just trying to get comfortable between contractions.  It is definitely true what they say, lying down on your back, or for me on my side as well, is the most painful position to be in while having contractions.  

Saturday, September 25:

Again, at approximately 6:30am, the contractions subsided to basically nothing.  I called our midwife around 8am and she decided it was time to come over and check things out.  She came to check if I was dialated, the baby's heart rate, and her position.  Upon arrival, the midwife discovered the baby's heartbeat was strong, I was about 3 cm, but was shocked to discover she was in a breach position.  She quickly called the other midwife who was going to assist her with my birth to come verify.  We talked and prayed about what we would do if that was truly the case and what our options would be.  This was really difficult as I really was afraid of facing things within the American medical model that we were not comfortable with and did not want to put our newborn through.  The possibility of a C-section was also unnerving!  Of course, I was also just really disappointed that our plan may not go the way we had wanted it to, within the comforts of home.  When the second midwife arrived, she did the exam and thought the baby had flipped to the proper position, head down.  Praise God!!

Because we had hardly slept, our midwife recommended we take a long nap, then left us with some homeopathic meds to help speed things up.

She left around 11am, and I laid down to take a nap.  Just as I drifted off to sleep, I had a very strong contraction, and my water broke!  That was about 12:30pm Saturday afternoon.  Therefore, no more sleep for me!!  I was ready to go!  I called the midwife to give her the update and started taking the homeopathics, along with the other vitamins I had been taking to assist in a healthy birth.  Well, the natural induction meds definitely helped!!  We got comfortable, watched some good old college football, and I continued to labor through the afternoon.  Things still did not progress as fast as the midwives had assumed, so by 5pm, she sent us out for some fresh air, a drive and just a change of scenery!  We sure needed that!

We decided to go to Chik-fil-a for some sweet tea!  As we were getting there, I thought of our chiropractor, Dr. Joe, who I worked for the first year we were on this side of Denver.  All week he had said, "Call when you are in labor if you need anything!"  He lives about 4 miles from where we were, so I called him up.  The timing couldn't be more perfect, as he answered the phone, I saw his car drive by.  He quickly pulled over and we met up in the parking lot of the shopping center.  I think that will be the only time Caleb and I are adjusted outside, in the middle of the parking lot!

So we headed back home to continue the homeopathic regiment and call the midwife.  She decided to come over about 8pm and help work towards a delivery.  By 11:30, my contractions progressed to 3 minutes apart, but where barely hitting more than 45-60 seconds.

Sunday, September 26:

Around midnight, the midwife called her assistant to come, as I had also reached 6 cm.  From midnight to 6:00am, we tried everything to move the baby further down.  Again, by 6am the contractions had slowed and were barely hitting 30 seconds.  At that point, we were beginning to be concerned that it was getting to long since my water had broken.  Health regulations allow for about 24 hours.  We decided by 7am to go ahead and go to the hospital because something was just holding things up from progressing.  By this day, I was also 11 days over due.  So, I showered and grabbed a few things and headed to the hospital with Caleb in our car and the midwives in theirs.  

Upon arrival, I was admitted under the conclusion of maternal exhaustion and lack of progression complicated by my water being broken the day before.  I was hyper sensitive to the things I knew weren't good for me or the hospital staff was going to restrict me from doing.  For example, I had to go to the bathroom as soon as we got there (Obviously!) and they wouldn't let me!!  I had to fill out the paperwork (no, Caleb could not do it for me!) and walk all the way to my room before I could go!  Then I was hooked up to the monitors and IVs right away, causing me to be in a lounging position on the bed, making contractions far more painful than they needed to be.  Every time I tried to sit up more to be in a better position, I bumped the monitor which messed up the print out of the baby's heart beat.

We saw the doctor shortly before noon.  She checked everything out and decided that there was still a water sac between the cervix and the baby's head, keeping her from dropping.  So.... she grabbed this plastic instrument (similar to a crochet needle I assume) and tried to break my water!  When that didn't work..... she decided it was time to get an ultrasound machine.  (This is something I thought they would have done first!)  The ultrasound revealed...... BREACH!  There was no water sack, the doctor was poking my baby's bum!  

Within one hour, I was in the OR being prepped for a C-section!  It was a whirl wind trip!  The surgery began at about 2:15 and Kenna Christine was born at 2:18pm!  As soon as she was out, one of the nurses told Caleb he could look.  He stood up and snapped a picture and I could just see in his face that he lit up!  He was a Daddy!  Kenna was crying and screaming right away and I saw them carry her to the nursery basket and begin to clean her up.  I could tell she was full and rolly!!!  When Caleb brought her over for me to see, she had blue eyes and tons of dark hair!  Caleb soon wheeled her out to the nursery to announce her arrival and help clean her up on the nursery.  I was very pleased that not once did they take her away from either of us.  Caleb was able to stay with her the whole time! It still took them about 45 mins to close me up.  I remember lying on the table trying so hard to not fall asleep.  I'm pretty sure I did though because it seemed to only take 10 mins.  Most of the rest of the day was a blur.  I hadn't slept in three days, it took a long time to get the feeling back down to my toes.  I still felt weak in the arms when I held Kenna on our hospital room for a few hours.  We had guests come and go most of the night and before I knew it, the three of us were alone for the night.  

Due to the surgery, we were in the hospital until Wednesday afternoon.  For my first experience ever staying in a hospital, especially in the US, it was a great experience!  The staff were so helpful and I left with a ton of information!  It was great to have the additional care and food.  My mom had also arrived on Sunday, a few hours after Kenna was born, so it was great to have her there for the dirty work ;)  

I think we have adjusted well to being at home together.  One week from Thursday, we are flying to Texas to see Caleb's family!!  We are so excited!!  There are so many other details and things that have just changed us over these last few weeks!  But this is long enough.....  I will share more at a later time :)

Over the next few months, I hope to introduce all of you to our precious girl as we travel between Texas and Saskatchewan!

39 weeks!

So, today marks one week.  I am home tonight to study for my Junior test at work.  Friday morning to will take a test which will constitute a promotion and raise when I get back from maternity leave.  This will be nice to recover from several weeks off with no pay, although..... I don't know.... God will provide!  He always does!
So for the update:

Some Braxton- Hicks
No real contractions
Baby K's head is very low but she still needs to line up front and center
No pain other than some ligament stuff
No really changes...........

That's all okay with me.  I will be praying for labor to begin on the 16th/17th.  Please pray for a safe and healthy delivery, healthy baby and confident parents!  :)

Back to studying.......

10 days and counting.... REALLY!?!

So I have decided it is time to resurrect the good ol' BLOG! I'm still not convinced very many people will read it, but I guess I'll have to have some faith in that and just waiting and see. I guess at this point, at least I will have some grandparents and relatives who will tune in for some updates on "Baby K" when she arrives and begins to grow before our eyes (instead of in my belly)!
I have to admit: I read so many great blogs, some too good (A.Mc.), that I have been a little intimidated to return to this attempt at being whitty, insightful and entertaining. At this point, I know that most of the entertainment in our lives is going to come from our precious baby girl, so it really doesn't matter what I think :)
Yes, it's true! Baby K is suppose to make her big entrance in 10 days. Although I know it's unlikely it will be within that 24 hour period, I am ready for her whenever she is!! There is a lot to prepare but some days I feel like the most important preparation is mental. It's just so hard to imagine what it will be like when she is here and we get to take care of her every day! Caleb and I are excited about the adventure God has in store for us, but I know it will also be one of the most difficult things we will ever do together.
Despite the embarrassment, here is a little peek at just how much I have changed in this process. This is a picture of my mother and sister-in laws sharing the day at the Baby Shower the church hosted for me here in Boulder.

It's Official!

So I think it's slightly ironic that on July 3rd I received my permanent resident card! Just in time for everyone to probably give me a hard time about that on "America's the best country in the world!" Day! (Please know me well enough to know that was completely sarcastic.) These last 11 months this process has been on my mind. The paperwork was terrible, the wait was horrible, the interview was really no biggie at all, and now I have the card. I don't feel any different of course. The card is so intricate that I now understand why it cost $1400!! Maybe if half that cost didn't go towards the printing of that piece of plastic, it would be more affordable for all us illegal immigrants to become legal!!!

Now, I wait..... AGAIN! Wait til we get on our feet enough to think about going back to Canada for a visit. I have missed Regina and all it's fine people, the few special ones that live in Winnipeg and just plain Saskatchewan spring and summer a lot lately! A few weddings and anniversaries have past already this summer..... making me realize YOU PEOPLE SHOULD ALL HAVE FACEBOOK! I've tried to call a few.... TIM, YOUR PHONE NUMBER DOESN'T WORK ANYMORE! It's weird how much the realization that life has gone on without me is more than that.... life will continue to go on without me. So instead of crying and saulking about this (which I do on occasion), I have challenged myself to be a better friend! I am going to have to perfect this character flaw or time will only separate me more.

For those of you who have known me most of my life, you know how much this pains me. To JO, TK. DE, CE, LA, TR, JS, TB and all your spouses and parents, if/as I continue to fail at this attempt, please forgive me. I love you all and miss you terribly. My failed attempt to remain a dear friend has cost me this last year. (Strangely, probably the second hardest year I have ever experienced.) The past 29 years (almost) will always mark your deep importance and role in my life and time will never lessen that! I hope to same is true for you!

So as I look ahead to the life God has brought me, it does bring mixed emotions, honestly. I am so blessed by my husband, his family, and those who have impacted my life already in the last 11 months. He is my best friend, my partner in ministry, the one I dream with. I believe I have the best of both worlds here in Colorado; the weather and the relative distance to SK and TX. But I will always long for the simple life of Canada! I think this is evident in what I did this morning when I woke up to this 4th of July! I MADE PUFFED WHEAT CAKE AND NANAIMO BARS! HAHAHA

As I wait

I am sitting in a random church parking lot, waiting for my husband with nothing but my iPhone to keep me occupied. If you have seen an iPhone before, u will know this is not hard. I am waiting for him because our car overheated on the way home from work. Our car overheated bc the secondary fan is not working. The fan is not working bc we hit a very large dog last night. Like 100 lbs. This being our second injured or dead animal accident in three months. It was slightly numerous listening to the insurance claims lady go over the process of taking our car in and getting a rental after going through five rental cars in the two months it took to get the deer accident fixed. Alas, my prince is here. Off for now!

Job Searching

For myself, I continued to look for an Admissions job. Due to being restricted by my visa, this is the only option for me at this point. I had an interview at Missouri Baptist University, then just a few weeks ago, another one at LU near my house. After the Director called me back from MBU and told me they had hired someone internal, Caleb and I just had to believe that God was not sending a job my way because we were not going to be staying in St. Louis.
Caleb's job search was accelerated early in January when Southeast CofC in Aurora, CO called to schedule a phone interview. Before the end of January, we had plane tickets in hand for the two of us to fly out there for a weekend long interview. I will skip all the details of the LLLOOONNNGGG interview process but we can back from CO Feb. 11th just waiting to see what God was going to bring because we really had no idea.
Within the last few days of February, Caleb and I made our decision. The job at Southeast was offered to him and we decided to accepted. We needed it to be then so I could give sufficient notice to my landlady and hope to not incur more cost that we couldn't afford. With many tears and sadness, we told DPcC that we would be leaving at the end of March for a new ministry opportunity.
We are excited and so grateful for what God is providing through this opportunity. It's going to be a hard few weeks. I ask for prayers from anyone who might read this as we prepare to leave teens and families that have been impacted greatly by Caleb's work over the last 15 months. There will be new challenges and frustrations as they learn to continue to grow and become who God wants them to be without the direct care or guidance from a youth minister. Maybe I will share some of their stories later, but for now I need to get upstairs to see how "my kids" are doing with their schoolwork :) I'll leave you with this picture. (click on title of this blog) We are so thankful to God for these moments that we have been able to share with teens these last few weeks. There is a peace that our work here is truly fruitful and finished.

January's GIANT leap of faith

I hit up work at SBC for a few more days after we got back from Texas. We had to head back to Oklahoma for New Years weekend for Evan and Laura's wedding, so it was a quick turn around. To put it mildly, it was to worse week of employment I have ever had in my life (yes, worse than working at Roots!). That weekend to almost got to the point that I had a panic attack on Sunday at church, just at the thought of going back there on Wednesday. Caleb and I talked about it al the way to Mark and Darci's in OKC that day. He was an amazing support! I could not have asked for a better fiance who understood me and the situation. So, I called SBC on New Years Eve and told them I would be quitting and coming to pick up my stuff when I got back into town. And that's how it worked. I walked in, packed up my desk and was escorted out. 10 of the most uncomfortable minutes of my life!
We had no idea what I was going to do, but I knew I could no longer function working there. It was affecting my sleep, appetite, and joy for life!
Caleb was gone to NCYM that week, so I woke up every morning searching craigslist and wracking my brain as to how I was going to make some money. That week a couple answered my ad on craigslist and purchased my car. I cancelled all other unnecessary expenses and just prayed that God would take care of us! It sure was an interesting time.
Late one night, I answered an ad on Craigslist for a family who was looking for a "mother's assistant." I didn't really think much of it because there are several of those, but when I emailed the lady, I just really felt like I needed to be open and honest with her about my situation. She had expressed in the ad that she was looking for someone who feared God, loved children, and was flexible. I thought, "Sure!" So the next morning, she emailed me back and we connected immediately. Caleb and I went to first meet the Biermann's one Tuesday night and it's been a close and meaningful relationship ever since. Tom and Kristi have four kids at home. Three of them are adopted from Belarus where they were born and living in an orphanage 50 miles from the site of the Chernobyl blast. Kristi homeschools the kids at this point, but was struggling because she suffers from fibromyalgia. This family's need was a Godsend for me because it has basically allowed me to cover my bills and expenses for these last two months.

Quick December

December was a rough month for me at work. I continued to be displeased with the ethics, training, and management. It became more and more clear to me that it wasn't me... this job was just not right for someone with my morals and convictions for post-secondary education and as a Christian. The night before Caleb and I flew to Dallas for Christmas with the Cox family, I had "that conversation" with my boss in which I came to the conclusion that I could not continue to hone my skills at SBC to be successful because every number I dialed and every time someone picked up the phone (and didn't immediately hang up on me), I could not even fake that I believed what I was saying. Even though I know that man believe I was weak or lazy, I would not compromise my belief system and destroy my passion for college students by staying there.
I had also received an interview at a local, private University close to my house about mid December. I felt so excited about how it had gone that I was anxiously waiting for that return phone call to offer my a job. This would have been amazing because of it's location, standards and morals of the University, and I would have been back working with families and freshman who are excited about what the world has to offer them. Alas, that phone call did not come.....
During this time, Caleb found out from the elders at church that their financial situation had not seemed to mend itself and they were running out of money in his salary fund. This money would be gone by the end of March. He was quick to tell them that, despite the fact that his priority would be to stay at DPcC longer to continue the ministry he had worked hard for, he needed to think long term as we were looking towards our wedding and family. So he began to look for youth ministry jobs elsewhere.
Christmas arrived! It was such an amazing, fun, goofy, rewarding, and assuring time! Curly and Trissa picked us up at the airport in Dallas and we made the most of our 5 days with family. We went to Abilene, where I was inducted into the Lutrell family, Pecos to meet and hang out with the extended Cox family, and back to Brownwood for Christmas with Caryn, Dale, and Kristi. It was amazing to be in the new house in May (that's the town), and enjoy time away from the city. I felt truly blessed to be entering into this family.

November

November brought interesting things into my life. I started a new job "SBC" as an Admissions Representative. Caleb and I began to figure out how we were going to fit into each other's lives on a daily basis; beyond the hour or so on the phone each night. And, my mother came to St. Louis for a visit over American Thanksgiving.
I will say more about my new job in St. Louis later, but in general, imagine my entire passion and drive for the job I loved at OC.... got it! Now, think of everything that could possibly to opposite of it. It was hell!
Of course, that made the transition to a new place and a new dynamic in our "to be married" relationship difficult. But we trudged through and trusted in God.
I had a great 4 or 5 days with my mom! We did a lot of shopping and even found my wedding dress. It was really important for me to be able to do that with her. Being here without my girlfriends and sisters, I wasn't looking forward to finding a dress all by myself. We took mom several different places to eat, see the sights and just hang out. For those of you who know her, you can see from the picture that she was sooooo excited about seeing historical St. Charles, which is about 3 blocks from my house. She spent about 4 hours on 6 blocks of shops and didn't get done. Some things never change!
And.... that's a summary of November.

It's news and it's big!!!

Why does change always sneak up on us?

As I sit here this afternoon, I've decided to take a moment to relax and reflect. I'm feeling rather homesick today. These days are few and far between, but today it is evident. With the amazing, exciting and oh so cute phone call I received from Dauphin last night at about 11, I was exstatic, yes, but overwhelmed by the realization that one of my best friends is making the greatest decision of his life and I going to miss out on all of it... hopefully not his wedding day, but that's possible too. These moments I will miss out on are what scares me and makes me emotional about being so far from home. Don't get me wrong, though! If it is to be, I am thankful, so happy, and overly content to live the rest of my life with the man I love, no matter where that might be. But there are days when I want to hold on to the past and everyone back home, days when I can't imagine that those at home are going to miss out on the big moments in my life.
So, if you read the post I just added a few minutes ago, I'm sure you interest was peaked by the idea of a job interview in St. Louis. I have been packing once again. Getting ready for the next stage in my life. I got a job at Sanford-Brown College in St. Peters, MO, as an Admissions Representative. Right between Caleb's and Dardenne Prairie cofC. God has amazing plans! WOW! How much more perfect could it be? Some of you are probably think, "Amanda, why are you so stuck on Admissions?" Well, a) It's what I'm good at, so just let me be. (I've faced an amazing number of people that don't get that.) It is the one thing in my life that I actually excel at. and b) my work Visa is to be a "vocational counselor" so that is my only ticket to employment in the US right now.
What a weird feeling though? I am so sad to be leaving OC; my "kids," the job that I have always known that I am gifted at and a life that has kept me insanly busy, never is the same, and allows me to share Christ to families and college students. But at the same time, I want the next four weeks to go by so quickly because I'm ready for life to become what I have invisioned it to be for the last several month. I love "DPcC"! They seem to love me. I can see myself becoming involved there so easily. The families are great! So I will be working a strickly 40hr/wk job which will be a little more professional, most with adult students, more specific in academic fields, and yet I know I will still be able to bring my own personal and caring approach that OC has taught me so well. I'm going to miss the OC office. These are my best friends in the good ol' US ofA. But my ministry is still going to be mine and I am so excited to begin to learn how to share and work in ministry with the man I love.
The next four weeks are going to be tough on me. Especially b/c I don't get to spend 11 of those days here. I know that some of you feel like I'm bailing on you. But please know, I am loyal. I am always here. And you can always come visit St. Louis!!!! It is a really cool town, I promise!
There is still the small glitch of changing my work visa. Please pray that that goes smoothly. Caleb and I are driving to cross the border at Sarnia on Oct. 19th. Thanks!

Sorry I've been "missing" lately

So, September was RIDICULOUS!!!
Aug 30- Sept 5- Portland, OR/Seattle, WA (thanks to Nic and Eric for coming to see me in Seattle!)
Sept 9-11- Office Retreat in Tatonka, OK
Sept 14-17- Regina for my mom's wedding (yes, her and Ron got married)
Sept 21-23- unexpected trip to St. Louis for a job interview
Sept 28-30- Fall Visit

Yep, ridiculous!

another cycle

So, I have hit that wall! I am sitting at my desk today, knowing there are things I could do, but at the same time I have one email in my Inbox, no messages to return, and I'm out of minutes AND texts on my cell phone. I haven't heard from a panicing parents in at least 24 hours and I haven't had any students stop by my office this afternoon wondering where to find their student mail box, how to open their Outlook email, or where to change their classes..... I think I am officially "done" with the OC Freshman class of '07! :( (wait, I forgot... One of my Cali boys is stopping by to ask me how to take CLEP tests!)
If that is all, then it's good timing, I guess. I'm leaving for Portland at 9:00am tomorrow. It's hard to believe it's already time for Faith Quest in Oregon again! I am going alone this year. My tour guide and co-worker, Matt, has to stay in OK for a wedding this weekend.
The summer flew by! I didn't have the time I thought I was going to for anything! I feel so blessed though! My 06-07 recruiting year was a success!!! There are many times that I felt like I was far from on the ball, forgetting about those students who needed me, and never having enough time to make that personal connection with all of them. It took me a long time to realize I wasn't going to have that connection because I only met most of the face to face once all year, some of them not at all! This was so different than last year when I had closer areas that allowed me to go to all the youth events, camps, and welcome them onto OC's campus a few times in one year.
I am so excited to start another year with the same territory! Connections with youth ministers, HS seniors, and parents are going to be even easier; some of America's largest cities are not so daunting; and the frequent flier miles are still adding up! I love my job, can you tell? I know I will be reflecting a little more on where to spend my time; what worked and what didn't. But for the most part, I'll still be going to the same places.
Besides the happy/sad complex of starting a new cycle, it also seems like a mountain to climb to get to next spring. It should be next spring right now! What a year it's been, and next year will bring many more challenges and changes...
And that's all I'll say about that...

Once again...

Once again, it's been a really long time since I have written to catch everyone up. Just as I thought I was getting in the habit of writing blogs, life got hectic again. Classes have been winding down, which means I've had term papers to write and the end of John to translate. Now that most of that is out of the way, and my career in graduate Greek will be over 48 hours from now, I am excited about the summer!! I know I will miss all the "kids" by about the middle of June, but for now the quietness is appealing.
So, other than school and work, I guess the biggest news is that I will be wearing out I-44 between OKC and St. Louis over the summer. If you don't know what that means, refer to the "catch up" blog from about Feb. 26th and delete point #6.
My computer also almost crashed by two weeks ago and I lost ALL of my settings; settings I didn't even know existed or mattered. So I can't remember how to get to my bloglines page. So, jeremy, I need help on that again.
Anyway, I don't have much else to say. I just wanted to let everyone out there know that I am alive and doing really well!! Life is stressful and exciting all at the same time. I don't have plans to come home this summer, so keep me posted and don't forget about me!! I do miss all of you but it's expensive to fund trips home every 3 months. That habit has to stop!

retract

I have to apologize for the last post. In no way was it meant to seem like a lame attempt for encouragement or compliments (not that I want to sound ungrateful for the ones I received at all, I love you all too!), I broke in a moment of frustration and needed an outlet instead of hoping that the wall would respond.
I am grateful for everyone in my life, it's just reality that sometimes everyone doesn't see things from my perspective..... wow, what a thought! I need to be better about facing rejection graciously when it is for the betterment of a group, friends I do care about a lot.
Although, sometimes it scares me that my immediate thoughts are "forget them!" "I don't need them" "I can go about my life without them, on my own" "Obviously, they don't need me, or think they don't" "Wait til they realize what I do for them after I won't do it anymore!"
I know these are crazy and irrational thoughts. Clearly, if you know me, you know those ideas last about five minutes... or until that next meeting or phone call. "Manda, can you...... ?"
I just don't want to be turning into someone who is guarded about getting involved in people's lives, supporting things I love, and pouring my passion into something or someone for fear of rejection. This is an issue I had never thought about until these last few years but I know it all comes around to this fact: Yes, people do let you down, but if you know you are serving and showing Christ in everything you do, your trust in God and His plan will carry you through and should be your source of fulfillment and happiness. So don't stop!
Well, that was may more than I intended to say. But I have a Greek midterm today and it's Spring Visit this weekend, so it makes perfect sense that I am finding time to type a blog. Must work......

Go buy the means CD today!!!

hhmmmmmm

So, it sucks when you've created a pocket of friends that you knew you didn't really fit into anyway, somewhat because everyone around is younger, (everyone my age is either too busy and exclusive or married, or maybe it has something to do with my job). But that's the thing, I'm friends with these people because it's my job, my passion, my ministry.... and their fun. I thought they must think I'm kinda fun too....

.... So I find out they don't really understand that job, passion and ministry and don't want me around....... awesome

Why does no one GET me? gggrrrrrrrrr

What does your church really think?

Two quotes from this weekend's read for my Small Group Ministries class:

"We're on the inside, you're on the outside. We're right, and you're wrong. If you want to come inside, then you need to be right. So just believe right, think right, speak right, and act right, and we'll let you in."

or

“We are a community bound together and energized by faith, love, and a commitment to Jesus Christ. Even though you don’t yet share that faith, love, and commitment, you are most welcome to be with us, to belong here, to experience what we’re about. Then, if you are attracted and persuaded by what you see, you’ll want to set down roots here long-term. And even if you don’t, you’ll always be a friend.”

Which church would you like to belong to?

Thanks, Brian Mc! (More Ready than you Realize, Zondervan, 2002)

Ketchup!!

Just kidding, I mean catch up!! I have been getting razzed for not writing a blog in a long time (even by Tim Furry, that has to be bad)... so I will now do so in point form (I always loved jot notes instead of paragraphs).
Since last post:
-flew to Sante Fe, NM in a 14 seater plane in a snow storm
-spent New Year's in Angel Fire, NM
-spent a week in Colorado Springs at the National Conference for Youth Ministers (you should check it out sometime) hanging out with OC kids, my Youth Ministers (ones who work in my territory), promoting OC, and visiting with my Acappella friends
-got back to OKC
-started my second semester of grad school
-became single again
-was asked to help with New Reign auditions on the same day (bittersweet)
-gained perspective on life (www.jinjamissions.org)
-sat through a weekend of Small Group Ministries class and didn't learn much (I was a little distracted)
-experienced two ice storms, so severe this Canadian will admit I've never seen anything like it
-went to Los Angeles/Bakersfield/San Diego and saw 16 applicants in 3 days
-came back for class
-went to Phoenix, AZ, drive across the border in Mexico to renew my work visa (explain that!), went to a Phoenix Coyotes game and saw WAYNE, and hung out with kids for a Super Bowl party
-came back for class and a weekend off
-bought a 2007 Hyundai Elantra on Valentine's Day (how's that for theraputic shopping??? it's a condition I inherited from my mother)
-went to Denver for Winterpeak and to hang out with CO kids
-came back for meetings and class
Now I'm sitting here procrastinating from translating John 12 and writing 2 papers before Thursday. It will be a long week! For details on any of this, you are going to have to email me.
BTW, if you aren't with it yet, Facebook is the new myspace, or shoutlife if you want to find a "Christian" myspace.
Also, if you are looking for reasons come to visit me (that SHOULD BE enough) check out this church that has blessed my with just a few visits. www.bridgewaychurch.com Home of Charlie Hall and soon a free concert with Derek Webb! Good times!

delayed.... episode 2

So, we got to Albuquerque last night, circled, and came back to Denver. It was 2am by the time we got back, through customer service, and found a place to lay down. There is not a row of seats in this airport that does have an arm rest on EVERY seat. Try to sleep there! So, after 3-4 hours of broken sleep, I moved down to the furthest away from life gates and froze for two hours waiting for a stand by seat! The 9:45am flight today was cancelled. So, I have a confirmed seat on the 1:10 flight this afternooon. Seriously people! Albuquerque has never had 12 inches of snow EVER EVER!
so if you read this and have my cell #, feel free to call me! i'll give you the update. funny thing is, i could have driven to new mexico faster than this... from REGINA!

delayed.....

So Jeremy was giving me a hard time on Wednesday about not updating my blog enough, so here I am. I'm in the Denver airport, been here since 3:00, and I'm hoping to get on this 9:45 flight. I hate bad weather when I'm trying to travel. Tucker and I barely got through Hwy #1 yesterday before they closed it down in Maple Creek. Anyway, I'm ready to be in Albuquerque, NM, that's for sure!
So, since my last blog, I've been in Regina for four days, back to OKC, finished out the semester with a pretty good grade in Greek, travelled to St. Louis, Missouri, then Detroit Lakes, Minn., home again for Christmas, Calgary yesterday, and now I should be in Angel Fire, NM for a few days before coming back up here to Colorado Springs for five days, then back to OKC next sunday. Are you confused yet? HA
SO THAT'S WHY I HAVEN'T WRITTEN A BLOG, JERMS!
I don't have anything profound or encouraging to say right now. Probably because I have been catching up on work emails for four hours. I had so much time for reflection during all my driving hours, but I don't know if I have anything that I can really share. Life is just weird sometimes.
So, here is my encouragement to those I have visited with in the last two weeks:
Surround yourself with positive people!
Life isn't about choices that make you feel good and satisfy your own desires. It's about searching for what God wants through Jesus, and our means to do that is by reading about His life (the Gospels) every day! A disciple knows their teacher almost better than they know themselves.
If you or your friends are making poor choices in life, stand up for what is right. Chances are someone who is making poor choices with you is wishing they had the strength to make the right ones. You could be that strength for each other!
Once again, I love Regina, but I also love it in my rearview mirror! (Or Andrew's, as the case may be!)

Looks like I'm boarding....